i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
