Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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