I'd wear matching sweaters with you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
