Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
