god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
