Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
