No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
