Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
