i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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