Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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