Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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