you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
