Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
