Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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