I cannot find my penis.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My dick has a subreddit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
