Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
