She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
