I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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