Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
