I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
