Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
