I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
