I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
