I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
