I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
