What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
