Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
