I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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