no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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