Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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