I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
