Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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