Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
