Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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