Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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