He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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