I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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