I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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