I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
