Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
