i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
