I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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