I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
