You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
