Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
