We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
