I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
