i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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