Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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