He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
